Twins Make for Lots of Questions

I never dreamed that having twins would lead to so many people asking so many questions. Some are normal curiosities, some are just plain funny (Like when people ask me if the twins are identical. Ummm, no one is a boy, the other a girl...), while others can be a bit probing, especially when coming from a stranger.

I am a member of a group on babycenter for women who had twins in May 2011, and one of them posted a link to a website that was selling shirts and bags with common, usually annoying questions or statements people ask/say about fraternal twins. I think it is pretty funny. Here is a picture:

I can relate to all these answers. While these questions/comments can get really old and sometimes irritating (like #5, yes someone, a stranger, has actually said "I'm glad it's you and not me"), but I know a lot of other people have questions and curiosities about life with twins and I don't mind answering them. So, if you have any questions, feel free to ask. However, I figured I would answer the most common questions I get which are "How are you sleeping these days?" "What are your nights like?" "How do you get them both to sleep?" And the answer to the first question is yes, I actually am sleeping pretty well and have been from the beginning. The twins did the normal waking up every 2-4 hours for the first couple weeks, but pretty quickly Kathryn went to sleeping through the night, while Elijah would wake once or twice a night. Not too bad. Recently as they have gotten older they have begun more night waking, but it is still usually 1-2 times a night and Kathryn still on occasion sleeps through the night. I honestly don't mind the waking up through the night since it is only 1-2 times a night.

As for the other questions, the evenings and getting the twins to sleep have been a struggle. I would rock and sing and pat, and cuddle, swaddle and perform every trick in the book, but after 30 minutes of this, times two, I would lay them down, only for them to wake back up and have to repeat the process. I struggled with this for a really long time. It began to become impossible to get anything done because my evenings were spent trying to get the twins to sleep, and then maybe getting a load of laundry folded before going to bed. Well, I finally bit the bullet and decided to sleep train the twins. I read the book "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Child" as well as "Healthy Sleep Habits, Happy Twins" by Dr. Weissbluth, and used the graduated extinction method, also known as the Ferber method after Dr. Richard Ferber. If you aren't familiar with this method what you do is put the babies down awake. Tell them you love them kiss them, then leave their room. When they start to cry you wait five minutes, then go back in and comfort them with a pat, a kiss, then leave again. This time you increase your waiting time to ten minutes before going back in. You keep doing this, increasing your in between time by five minutes until they go to sleep. Well the beginning was a little rough. What mother wants to listen to her babies screaming and not go to them? I felt guilty and like a horrible mother, but I kept telling myself that what I had been doing wasn't working and what I was trying to do was what was best for them. I was determined to follow through with this method. Now, after about a week and a half I am able to feed the twins, bathe them, read them a book then lay the twins down in their cribs and most nights they go right to sleep! On occasion they may fuss for a couple minutes, but then they go to sleep. I hope in the future the night waking will diminish and I won't have any fragmented sleep, but for me, being able to get the twins to sleep without any crying, thus having a few hours every night to myself, feels like a huge victory!

Look at those sweet angels sleeping! ZZZZZZZZ

Putting Things in Perspective

Ok I admit it, I thought I was ready for all the things that come with being a mother, today put things in perspective.

For those of you who know me well, know I have been around children most of my life. My mother has been doing daycare since I was about seven, in fact I have few memories of life before my mother did daycare, so I have always felt ready and prepared to be a mother and care for children. Those same people who know me well, also know being a mother has been my main purpose in life, and I've been ready to accomplish that purpose for a long time and I guess you could say I have always felt completely prepared for all aspects of being a mother, but today I realized how wrong I was.

So what happened today, you're wondering? Really it wasn't a huge deal, but in those few seconds it seemed like everything. After I got home from work I gave Kathryn some infant cereal. After she finished and I cleaned Kathryn up she was sitting in her bouncy seat and I was playing with her. I did something that made her laugh really hard. Well she ended up laughing so hard that she started to choke on her own saliva. I gave her a second because she tends to choke sometimes when I am slightly engorged and breastfeed, but usually she coughs a little and then is ok. This time was different. She must have really forcefully inhaled her saliva because she could not catch her breath. I leaned her forward a bit not too concerned because it was just her saliva, could she really choke to death on her own saliva? But she began to panic. She flailed her arms and legs around and arched her back, still not catching her breath, her face turning red. Seeing the panic in her face I ripped her out of the bouncy seat and pounded on her back before she finally started coughing and sputtering. I think I nearly had a heart attack. I wanted to cry I was so freaked out by the episode. I couldn't stop thinking about what happened, and still can't which is obvious since I am writing about it. But this episode really put things in perspective. I don't know how anyone can ever truly be prepared for all the things that come with being a parent. I had the nursery painted and the cribs put together. Their drawers organized and their car seats installed in the car. I read the month by month what to expect when you're pregnant, and the what to expect during the first year after they are born. But books can't prepare you for the emotional toll of being a parent.

I told Adam later the part that really freaked me out when Kathryn was choking was the panicked way she looked at me. She couldn't breath and she was looking at me, her mother who should be able to do anything, to fix it. But what if I hadn't been able to fix it? I knew being a parent would be the most important job I will ever have, but I guess today just really brought into perspective what a huge responsibility this is. These two precious creatures are completely dependent on me and look to me to protect them. Boy, talk about pressure. No wonder so many women obsess about what type of diapers they use, what type of lotions they use, organic baby food vs. non organic, breastmilk vs. formula, and all the other choices mothers have to make about caring for their children. And now I understand what my mom means when she says she still worries about my brother and I. I knew I would love Kathryn and Elijah unconditionally the minute I saw them, I was prepared for that. But nobody could have prepared me for the worry I will experience as a mother every minute for the rest of my life.

My First Blog

Welcome to my first blog! Why you may wonder did I decide to create a blog about the twins? Well, I have a good friend of mine who had her baby in August and during and after her pregnancy she kept a blog about her experiences. If you want to check it out, here is the link http://thestiersfamily.blogspot.com. I loved reading them and keeping up to date on how things were going since she lived in Kentucky, I still do. So I decided that maybe some of my friends and family who I don't get to see or speak to frequently may enjoy regular updates on how life with twins is going. (Thanks for the idea Bri!)

I have been wanting to create a blog for some time, but they say the first three months with twins are the hardest and while the twins have truly been great babies (I truly was blessed with very, VERY good babies), I think it is probably true. While every new parent spends the first three months settling in with their newborns, the first three months with twins have felt like being in constant survival mode. On October 9th the twins turned 5 months old, and I am beginning to feel the survival mode diminish and a sense of normalcy return. And so I think now is as good a time as any to attempt to maintain this blog and share all the joys and stresses of being a first time mommy to twins.

I hope you enjoy sharing my journey through parenting twins and enjoy watching the twins grow and develop.