Putting Things in Perspective

Ok I admit it, I thought I was ready for all the things that come with being a mother, today put things in perspective.

For those of you who know me well, know I have been around children most of my life. My mother has been doing daycare since I was about seven, in fact I have few memories of life before my mother did daycare, so I have always felt ready and prepared to be a mother and care for children. Those same people who know me well, also know being a mother has been my main purpose in life, and I've been ready to accomplish that purpose for a long time and I guess you could say I have always felt completely prepared for all aspects of being a mother, but today I realized how wrong I was.

So what happened today, you're wondering? Really it wasn't a huge deal, but in those few seconds it seemed like everything. After I got home from work I gave Kathryn some infant cereal. After she finished and I cleaned Kathryn up she was sitting in her bouncy seat and I was playing with her. I did something that made her laugh really hard. Well she ended up laughing so hard that she started to choke on her own saliva. I gave her a second because she tends to choke sometimes when I am slightly engorged and breastfeed, but usually she coughs a little and then is ok. This time was different. She must have really forcefully inhaled her saliva because she could not catch her breath. I leaned her forward a bit not too concerned because it was just her saliva, could she really choke to death on her own saliva? But she began to panic. She flailed her arms and legs around and arched her back, still not catching her breath, her face turning red. Seeing the panic in her face I ripped her out of the bouncy seat and pounded on her back before she finally started coughing and sputtering. I think I nearly had a heart attack. I wanted to cry I was so freaked out by the episode. I couldn't stop thinking about what happened, and still can't which is obvious since I am writing about it. But this episode really put things in perspective. I don't know how anyone can ever truly be prepared for all the things that come with being a parent. I had the nursery painted and the cribs put together. Their drawers organized and their car seats installed in the car. I read the month by month what to expect when you're pregnant, and the what to expect during the first year after they are born. But books can't prepare you for the emotional toll of being a parent.

I told Adam later the part that really freaked me out when Kathryn was choking was the panicked way she looked at me. She couldn't breath and she was looking at me, her mother who should be able to do anything, to fix it. But what if I hadn't been able to fix it? I knew being a parent would be the most important job I will ever have, but I guess today just really brought into perspective what a huge responsibility this is. These two precious creatures are completely dependent on me and look to me to protect them. Boy, talk about pressure. No wonder so many women obsess about what type of diapers they use, what type of lotions they use, organic baby food vs. non organic, breastmilk vs. formula, and all the other choices mothers have to make about caring for their children. And now I understand what my mom means when she says she still worries about my brother and I. I knew I would love Kathryn and Elijah unconditionally the minute I saw them, I was prepared for that. But nobody could have prepared me for the worry I will experience as a mother every minute for the rest of my life.

My First Blog

Welcome to my first blog! Why you may wonder did I decide to create a blog about the twins? Well, I have a good friend of mine who had her baby in August and during and after her pregnancy she kept a blog about her experiences. If you want to check it out, here is the link http://thestiersfamily.blogspot.com. I loved reading them and keeping up to date on how things were going since she lived in Kentucky, I still do. So I decided that maybe some of my friends and family who I don't get to see or speak to frequently may enjoy regular updates on how life with twins is going. (Thanks for the idea Bri!)

I have been wanting to create a blog for some time, but they say the first three months with twins are the hardest and while the twins have truly been great babies (I truly was blessed with very, VERY good babies), I think it is probably true. While every new parent spends the first three months settling in with their newborns, the first three months with twins have felt like being in constant survival mode. On October 9th the twins turned 5 months old, and I am beginning to feel the survival mode diminish and a sense of normalcy return. And so I think now is as good a time as any to attempt to maintain this blog and share all the joys and stresses of being a first time mommy to twins.

I hope you enjoy sharing my journey through parenting twins and enjoy watching the twins grow and develop.